Make a mistake freely!

Disclaimer: this post is written without AI tools. Because I prefer to make mistakes than to be bored.

When we do "wrong" we usually scold ourselves.

If today you were to do something wrong and not punish yourself for that, what would it bring to you?

Often when I work with people on the critical situation in their life: whether it is an upcoming presentation, a difficult conversation with potential conflict, or just something they planned ("fill in that tax declaration finally!") and eventually did not do; when it goes wrong, they usually punish themselves.

Just do better next time!

They think that to stop punishing - to stop saying nasty things to themselves - they need to do better next time. But thing is that it is rather not logical that in this scenario you will do better next time.

Why?

Well imagine, you prepare for something, the stakes are high (even if it is just a promise to yourself to fill in the declaration), your body and mind give you the energy to do that (even if you are just thinking of it, mentally preparing that you will do it), and afterwards your reaction on this 'energy gift' is scolding. Next time your body and mind will have much less motivation to give that energy.

So reacting with more compassion to your 'mistakes' is not just "ok, bla-bla-bla, self-love kind of thing again", but it will bring real practical result the next time you have a challenge.

Which type are you?

I will talk more in detail about this in my next post based on research of Sokova et al. (2025) where you can find out if you identify with one of the types of self-critic - Teamster, Non-feeler, Worrier, Not good enough for self, Not good enough for others, and Hated self - and see how to work with yourself.

Always yours and free of judgment, Luba.